how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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