So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
