Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
