South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
