Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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