He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
