i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
