Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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