just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
