I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
