Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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