This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize