trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize