This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
