I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
