I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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