pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
