If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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