no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
