i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
