it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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