you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
