oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
