i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
