It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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