Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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