I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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