So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
