Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
