Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
