when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
