Your mouth is God's brothel.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
