is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
