Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
