You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
