I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
