Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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