He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
