I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
