Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I AM VODKA MAN
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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