I think i peed on brittanys purse
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Help. Why am I so naked?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize