you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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