margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
