I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
