How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
