why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
