At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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