If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
