Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
