You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize