I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
