I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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