Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Still dying that you shit outside
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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