I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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