woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
