just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She bit a glass in half.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
