She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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