i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
