Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
