this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
