she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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