sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
time to smoke my breakfast
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize