Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
