only you would photoshop your dick
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
