I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
