Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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