NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
