does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
