Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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