So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
