Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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