My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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