Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
