literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
