i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have aggressive nipples.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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