3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
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